my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You took a bar mat shot.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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