It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
