bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We had sex on a dog bed..
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
My vagina is very pro this idea
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
