So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize