meet me or not, i'm out of control
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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