he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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