2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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