"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
