Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize