she was so not down for the gang bang
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
