I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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