WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I think i peed on brittanys purse
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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