After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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