Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
