I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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