I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
