didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
