90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
