Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
