Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
