Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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