We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
