you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She needs sedatives and a leash
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
