Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
