i may or may not be watching the land before time
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
