Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
home. puking in laundry basket.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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