I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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