Me too!
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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