I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
