i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
