He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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