my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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