a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You made out with two different species that night
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
