my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
