i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
