omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
