So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
