I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
