actually, I'm a sock model
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
