i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I made him laugh his dick is mine
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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