my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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