My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
