I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
