I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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