I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
