Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
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