She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
