they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
