It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
We smell like vodka and hangover
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