You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
