I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
