when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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