so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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