Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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