It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
