my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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