Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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