I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
