Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
