none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
