You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
