i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVEâ€
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