It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
