Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
