Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
