i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
