So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
