***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
