Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
