Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
dude. I can hear the air.
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