tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
