My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
