Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
