jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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