I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
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