member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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