i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
