we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
