I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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