I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
