dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
