Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
