So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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