Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
