I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
