Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
