At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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