hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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