Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
