my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
