he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
