her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
